Monday, June 30, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
last night the bar alley wrote me:
all the all stars jump to
this bar and i can't help
but eye each shapely painted
face, the truth can't riddle
me past the first glance
of boredom and its
disease it's a terrible tree
of tunneling echoing
forsaken endless rhythm-
no end, no dance just
humming where i lay.
i the concrete of the street
and the shake of space,
we all can't have fun at
its expense. i miss the man
i used to want to be
all the all stars jump to
this bar and i can't help
but eye each shapely painted
face, the truth can't riddle
me past the first glance
of boredom and its
disease it's a terrible tree
of tunneling echoing
forsaken endless rhythm-
no end, no dance just
humming where i lay.
i the concrete of the street
and the shake of space,
we all can't have fun at
its expense. i miss the man
i used to want to be
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
fridays and vince.
mornings. mon-fri. i walk into the old empty downtown building i work at and vince is waiting for me to take me up to the 8th floor. he's no more than four feet tall and needs crutches to walk, and it'll immediately break your heart. he'll call you "boss" every time he sees you, even if you're like me and still look 17. and at first you might stand there uncomfortably, like you do every time you're alone with a stranger in an elevator. but it's not just that- you can't help but feel bad for him, stuck in this elevator unable to walk, taking you up to a floor you could use your long legs to get to but you're too lazy to use the stairs. in fact, you might get so uncomfortable you'll start making shit chat with him but you can't say much because you're only going to the 8th floor. but say you do. then you get to hear him proudly respond with his nigerian accent that sounds like how smiling would sound if smiles could talk. and you immediately feel comfortable because now, you're smiling.
the sad funny thing is, every morning when i talk to vince, no matter what day of the week it is, our quick conversations always seem to lead to friday. whether it's talking about how our previous fridays went, or about how we can't wait for this friday, it's all about friday. and the days go by so fast it seems like every day is friday. we count and count and when friday comes, we're liberated and optimistic about the two days that follow it. but the weekend comes so fast and goes so fast since every day seems like friday, and then it hit me. that all this counting, it doesn't make sense. i mean, you can count to every friday of every week of every month of every year and forget all the days inbetween and you'll be dead twice as fast. so fuck friday! i thought. today is TODAY! .. . . .::..
look that's all corny bullshit and all, but what i'm saying is, for vince, who's in his fifties, waiting for fridays is all he does. and that also broke my heart. how does someone live like that- work everyday in an elevator in a building that only has about 8 people that go in and out every day, and making shit while doing it?
but immediately, i snap out of it. because vince doesn't need your pity, and he sure as hell doesn't need my pity.
he spends his final (fri)days working in an elevator for minimum wage, but he does it with a good attitude and a sense of humor, and that makes him a great man. i always make sure i try and make him laugh at least once every morning. it's a challenge because i only have about 20 seconds, but he's easy to crack up and his laugh- he's got the biggest laugh, a bigger laugh than anybody four times his size it's absolutely joyous. it's definitely worth it to think of corny jokes walking from my car to his elevator. i felt like such a fool when i was surprised to hear he graduated from the university of maryland after immigrating from nigeria- i hate the way i subconsciously make assumptions about people. he told me with a smile how his wife divorced him a decade ago but it was okay because he made it to the special olympics for ping pong. hearing about all this life he's living and lived makes me really happy. because everyone's got their own world, and there's so much going on inside all of it. so who's got any time to pity anyone? who's got the time to want pity from anyone? there aren't enough fridays left, it's better to use that time and enjoy people like vince.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
you should probably understand this about me
my mom was telling me today how awfulawful our economy is right now, how she couldn't believe how greedy the people in charge of our country are. how we're the wealthiest nation in terms of natural resources, yet we refuse to touch our own, even if it means fist fucking our entire economy and lower/middle classes. oil all along the coasts up to alaska. yes congress isn't passing anything to let us drill, they say it's for environmental reasons. which, horray horrah. but that's not the reason why they're voting against it right? because gas in the middle east is like $1.50 still and some fucking middlemen are getting the extra $3.00 EACH GALLON we're paying. think about how many gallons of oil are bought in our country everyday. multiply that by $3.00 dollars. and that's only for one day.
it might as well be imaginary money, i thought.
and it also might as well be 1927 with bootleggers selling prohibited alcohol for four times the face value. you know who was running that? mobsters. organized gangsters.
you know what's also organized and full of gangsters? the american government since 1945. except these cats don't learn their shit from the streets. they learn it from yale and harvard. which is why they're so successful. instead of paying off senators and the police, they pay us off, the people, with enough distractions we'll never focus on what's really going on. with the entertaining news you read and watch every day. with the false belief that awareness of current events is any sort of power, when power is still and always will be, money. distractions like free public schooling. since we were kids, having us learn about what, the fucking california gold rush in elementary school? manifest destiny in high school? MANIFEST DESTINY? most ridiculous mother fucking thing i've ever heard. think about all the things you learned in school with your adult brains now. repeating a pledge of allegance to something you don't understand, it might as well have been church. it's absurd as a turd. and our simple sense of chemistry, biology- anything, most of which we forgot after the tests were completed, can now be relearned years later in 15 minutes on wikipedia when we're actually interested. think for a second how ridiculously slow our learning processes were. everything you actually needed to know could have been taught in a day, but we spent weeks learning insignificant details to pass tests. distractions. if we learned at the pace our brains are capable of, there'd be no bullshit in this country. no false history, no dumb sheepass identity distractions like democrats and republicans. those dealers know a collective knowledge is the ultimate power, but we've been educated in a way to have opinions on issues fed to us rather than making our own issues. that's why the people in our country have ZERO power. haha vote all you want on how you want to get paid off. it's not an american thing, most successful empires follow this method. i can go on for volumes about the horrific system of education in our country. but not right now, i wanna go get a drink soon.
all these things are distractions. even the manufactured things you protest and the reasons you have. you think the problem with president bush is he's a stubborn christian cowboy idiot? do you really think he has no idea the persona he's putting out for us? he's one of the smartest fucking business men in the world i promise you that. and if you think ANY new candidates or future president will change this, give us "HOPE", just remember- a gang leader can steer their mob into a.."better brighter future", but it's still a money making gang of dealers. yes, some will pay us off better than others, with health care or lower taxes. and for this you should be thankful. you have to if you wanna still live here. i would loove to put my efforts into making this all better, but i gotta deal with the goddamn mob called HOLLYWOOD first. that, and i'd rather get funny with my friends at some bar. but go on and get into into all this if you want, just don't get caught up in the bullshit if politics is what you want to get into. sometimes it seems like the only way to make a honest political statement in the 21st century is to blow shit up. and once you start believing that, you're done. (i had to be careful there, don't wanna free speech myself into being prosecuted as a terrorist)
anyway, as my mom was telling me about our awfulawful economy, i naturally nodded along, as i am to do with issues about money and politics.
but i said ma, don't worry. what's the worse that can happen? we lose our house, all our possessions and barely survive, but we'd survive. we'd survive. and our friends and family will survive and we can make jokes about how fucking poor and dirty we are now, we'll always have our sense of humor. plus, they'll never take away our ability to dance.
i've been done for years.
it might as well be imaginary money, i thought.
and it also might as well be 1927 with bootleggers selling prohibited alcohol for four times the face value. you know who was running that? mobsters. organized gangsters.
you know what's also organized and full of gangsters? the american government since 1945. except these cats don't learn their shit from the streets. they learn it from yale and harvard. which is why they're so successful. instead of paying off senators and the police, they pay us off, the people, with enough distractions we'll never focus on what's really going on. with the entertaining news you read and watch every day. with the false belief that awareness of current events is any sort of power, when power is still and always will be, money. distractions like free public schooling. since we were kids, having us learn about what, the fucking california gold rush in elementary school? manifest destiny in high school? MANIFEST DESTINY? most ridiculous mother fucking thing i've ever heard. think about all the things you learned in school with your adult brains now. repeating a pledge of allegance to something you don't understand, it might as well have been church. it's absurd as a turd. and our simple sense of chemistry, biology- anything, most of which we forgot after the tests were completed, can now be relearned years later in 15 minutes on wikipedia when we're actually interested. think for a second how ridiculously slow our learning processes were. everything you actually needed to know could have been taught in a day, but we spent weeks learning insignificant details to pass tests. distractions. if we learned at the pace our brains are capable of, there'd be no bullshit in this country. no false history, no dumb sheepass identity distractions like democrats and republicans. those dealers know a collective knowledge is the ultimate power, but we've been educated in a way to have opinions on issues fed to us rather than making our own issues. that's why the people in our country have ZERO power. haha vote all you want on how you want to get paid off. it's not an american thing, most successful empires follow this method. i can go on for volumes about the horrific system of education in our country. but not right now, i wanna go get a drink soon.
all these things are distractions. even the manufactured things you protest and the reasons you have. you think the problem with president bush is he's a stubborn christian cowboy idiot? do you really think he has no idea the persona he's putting out for us? he's one of the smartest fucking business men in the world i promise you that. and if you think ANY new candidates or future president will change this, give us "HOPE", just remember- a gang leader can steer their mob into a.."better brighter future", but it's still a money making gang of dealers. yes, some will pay us off better than others, with health care or lower taxes. and for this you should be thankful. you have to if you wanna still live here. i would loove to put my efforts into making this all better, but i gotta deal with the goddamn mob called HOLLYWOOD first. that, and i'd rather get funny with my friends at some bar. but go on and get into into all this if you want, just don't get caught up in the bullshit if politics is what you want to get into. sometimes it seems like the only way to make a honest political statement in the 21st century is to blow shit up. and once you start believing that, you're done. (i had to be careful there, don't wanna free speech myself into being prosecuted as a terrorist)
anyway, as my mom was telling me about our awfulawful economy, i naturally nodded along, as i am to do with issues about money and politics.
but i said ma, don't worry. what's the worse that can happen? we lose our house, all our possessions and barely survive, but we'd survive. we'd survive. and our friends and family will survive and we can make jokes about how fucking poor and dirty we are now, we'll always have our sense of humor. plus, they'll never take away our ability to dance.
i've been done for years.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
nice
ever have a friend tell you you should meet somebody, "they're really nice!". but then you think to yourself, who wants to meet a nice person? everybody's nice, capable of nice, will be nice at some point. but to have that as their dominant trait? suxx. but you say okay sure because you wanna be, nice. i hope nobody ever introduces me as nice.
i mean, even these guys are nice:
i mean, even these guys are nice:
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
g-g-g-global warming, i c-c-care
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1817665,00.html
it'd take the entire world to communicate and agree upon a common, profitles$ agenda for us to actually create a p-p-positive change. a nice salsa of human minds and emotions uniting?
not a chance.
(but do you know when it will happen? when we're all staring at that meteor careening straight down on us in the sky and we all know we're gonna die. all of us. it'll be the first and last time our entire species planet people all did something together, regardless of race creed class or sex: die. everybody's equally alive, and equally dead. it's actually more beautiful than you'd want to believe and although i fear death more than i can express, i honestly wouldn't mind. we'd all be together, no one missed/missing you.)
shit you already know: every other animal on this here green i think earth adapts to maintain survival. they call it evolution. us thinkingass people, however, now adapt by inventing ways to deal with it. it's all in the conscious brain, no instincts. our unholy technological compromise. settling, distracting, replacing- anything other than being active in addressing the real issue at hand. people do it every day with jobs, relationships, dinner plans, sex, etc. so many defensive motives protecting our neurotic feeble fragile selves. this applies to almost everything. but right now i'll stick with our sun death.
we're fucked already because we've had this trememdous insecure urge to advance everything and knowknowknow everything to make life easier, faster, more productive since the beginning of it, this, us, time. we couldn't just be happy maintaining and being alive and enjoying subtle things like love and laughter. instead of building honest friendships and relationships we built machines and tools and theories. we're the only living creatures that looks at homeostasis and thinks,
"no fuck that, i wanna be on the winning side of that shit".
we've ironically made factories and burnt and built for centuries just so we'd have the tools and technology to realize- we've killed ourselves and this planet. god is laughing we're such a joke.
yes you can point out the tangible reasons as to what's causing the polution- machines and burning fuel and more useless yadada i don't care to know, because those aren't the reasons. those are the results of the real basic problem: human beings are consumers on every level.
so what's the solution? no that's what i'm saying. there is none. well, the only solution is to believe there is a solution, and keep fighting. and that applies to almost any conflict that involves mass amounts of human beings for me. but also, our natural desire to consume anything and everything needs to be addressed moreso than science. we need to admit it, then consciously be aware of it, in hopes to control it to a better extent. i know i am. it's a much more overwhelming, idealistic approach but we must stop focusing on immediate solutions. they are only distractions. it will only prolong the inevitable consequences of our basic problem. and if it's not reasonable, too idealistic, good. not to be a dumb young liberal democrat, but fuck realistic. that's the problem when you're trying to make a real change. the day we aren't idealistic anymore, then we might as well enjoy ourselves and let this shit burn. (our generally simple minds focusing on distractions as opposed to the real basic problem also applies to almost anything involving a mass population [government/politics] but again, not right now)
look, i support and respect green earth activists, but i will never be able to fool myself into thinking a green earth is worth more than green money to the people in charge of this world. we're mostly a terrible species. but it is important to always counter bullshit with an active attitude and action, if it's what you're interested in. my life is devoted to keeping alive the subtle things in life, like love and laughter through the behavior of the characters in a story. i'm just declaring my homeostastic opinion on global warming, it's important to still feel like you're part of this world.
i suggest you convince as many rich, charitable people that global warming is a problem and you'll stand a chance.
me? in all judge-me honesty, i myself, for now, am going to watch our mint chip sunday planet melt in the soupy sun. because i'm very interested in seeing what we're made of (yes this is what i was born to do, saving the earth was assigned to somebody else). i want to see what our tipping point is for survival. i swear to god i can imagine us still not giving a shit that it's 132 degrees in a half flooded los angeles. we'd just make stronger sunscreen, better air condiitoners, drinks with more advanced hyrdating ingredients. the same companies will cash in on all of this, and you'll feel better about it all when you've got the best we-should-be-dead prevention products. because we're too smart to die, it wouldn't be good business. in fact, we're too smart for our own survival instincts in general. we hardly have any anymore. our dependence on all things not attached to our bodies is so innate now, we're hardly animals anymore. and even when that meteor straight from god's asshole comes for us, i'm sure we'll try and blast that away with technology.
but i'm almost hoping it doesn't work. call me romantic.
it'd take the entire world to communicate and agree upon a common, profitles$ agenda for us to actually create a p-p-positive change. a nice salsa of human minds and emotions uniting?
not a chance.
(but do you know when it will happen? when we're all staring at that meteor careening straight down on us in the sky and we all know we're gonna die. all of us. it'll be the first and last time our entire species planet people all did something together, regardless of race creed class or sex: die. everybody's equally alive, and equally dead. it's actually more beautiful than you'd want to believe and although i fear death more than i can express, i honestly wouldn't mind. we'd all be together, no one missed/missing you.)
shit you already know: every other animal on this here green i think earth adapts to maintain survival. they call it evolution. us thinkingass people, however, now adapt by inventing ways to deal with it. it's all in the conscious brain, no instincts. our unholy technological compromise. settling, distracting, replacing- anything other than being active in addressing the real issue at hand. people do it every day with jobs, relationships, dinner plans, sex, etc. so many defensive motives protecting our neurotic feeble fragile selves. this applies to almost everything. but right now i'll stick with our sun death.
we're fucked already because we've had this trememdous insecure urge to advance everything and knowknowknow everything to make life easier, faster, more productive since the beginning of it, this, us, time. we couldn't just be happy maintaining and being alive and enjoying subtle things like love and laughter. instead of building honest friendships and relationships we built machines and tools and theories. we're the only living creatures that looks at homeostasis and thinks,
"no fuck that, i wanna be on the winning side of that shit".
we've ironically made factories and burnt and built for centuries just so we'd have the tools and technology to realize- we've killed ourselves and this planet. god is laughing we're such a joke.
yes you can point out the tangible reasons as to what's causing the polution- machines and burning fuel and more useless yadada i don't care to know, because those aren't the reasons. those are the results of the real basic problem: human beings are consumers on every level.
so what's the solution? no that's what i'm saying. there is none. well, the only solution is to believe there is a solution, and keep fighting. and that applies to almost any conflict that involves mass amounts of human beings for me. but also, our natural desire to consume anything and everything needs to be addressed moreso than science. we need to admit it, then consciously be aware of it, in hopes to control it to a better extent. i know i am. it's a much more overwhelming, idealistic approach but we must stop focusing on immediate solutions. they are only distractions. it will only prolong the inevitable consequences of our basic problem. and if it's not reasonable, too idealistic, good. not to be a dumb young liberal democrat, but fuck realistic. that's the problem when you're trying to make a real change. the day we aren't idealistic anymore, then we might as well enjoy ourselves and let this shit burn. (our generally simple minds focusing on distractions as opposed to the real basic problem also applies to almost anything involving a mass population [government/politics] but again, not right now)
look, i support and respect green earth activists, but i will never be able to fool myself into thinking a green earth is worth more than green money to the people in charge of this world. we're mostly a terrible species. but it is important to always counter bullshit with an active attitude and action, if it's what you're interested in. my life is devoted to keeping alive the subtle things in life, like love and laughter through the behavior of the characters in a story. i'm just declaring my homeostastic opinion on global warming, it's important to still feel like you're part of this world.
i suggest you convince as many rich, charitable people that global warming is a problem and you'll stand a chance.
me? in all judge-me honesty, i myself, for now, am going to watch our mint chip sunday planet melt in the soupy sun. because i'm very interested in seeing what we're made of (yes this is what i was born to do, saving the earth was assigned to somebody else). i want to see what our tipping point is for survival. i swear to god i can imagine us still not giving a shit that it's 132 degrees in a half flooded los angeles. we'd just make stronger sunscreen, better air condiitoners, drinks with more advanced hyrdating ingredients. the same companies will cash in on all of this, and you'll feel better about it all when you've got the best we-should-be-dead prevention products. because we're too smart to die, it wouldn't be good business. in fact, we're too smart for our own survival instincts in general. we hardly have any anymore. our dependence on all things not attached to our bodies is so innate now, we're hardly animals anymore. and even when that meteor straight from god's asshole comes for us, i'm sure we'll try and blast that away with technology.
but i'm almost hoping it doesn't work. call me romantic.
Monday, June 23, 2008
velvet underground hates you
there are problems in these times, but wooooo none of them are mine
HOLLYWOOD-
he makes you get out of bed but never makes the bed,
you leave the water running.
AUDIENCE-
i'm gonna write your fucking heart out and make you grow a new one.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
angels
the sidewalks are just there, you don't have to follow them. you can sit down on one say 3rd and vermont and find your happiness in a taco truck feeding the only actual angels in this town- the mexicans, and watch a family, the kids and all, have a saturday night dinner and jealously think, i wish i was that- i wish my life had me eating on the sidewalk with my whole, whole family on a saturday night instead of feeding some drunken munchie craving or fighting that mental reflection of how do i look how will i look to them and her and her dreamering less shimmering faded eyes in the splashy neon night of a thousand perfume scents and mints and anything else to cover up that human stink we're so ashamned of. or sit, and share a common scent of asada or al pastor with the ones you unashamnely love. i wish sometimes, i could be eating tacos on a saturday night with my whole family, my whole family of angels, unaware, and genuinely o.k.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
like
dancing nerds.
palm trees in the snow.
consumer holidays.
inhaing cigars until i see stars.
domesticated dreams.
happenstance and unplanned circumstance.
caterpillars that fly before they become butterflies.
crosby stills and nash.
st. elias, canada.
the mistrusting way people pick out fruit at supermarkets.
shining flashlights into the rainy night sky.
skinny model manicans.
alabama beaches.
shadows with no shade.
people who bowl twice a year trying to figure out what's wrong with their form.
christmas light carcasses in the daytime.
stars in the city from an airplane.
all the things about yourself you aren't aware of.
convertibles in alaska.
dying in a grassy meadow staring at nothing but a blue sky.
casper david friedrich.
sail with the whales.
october.
climbing to the top of every mountain i see.
reading disgusting poetry through my disgusting hair.
how much cloud can i feel.
dance like ian curits.
put on lipstick in the evening.
there's a blue ocean of sky above the rain.
valet traffic.
women in suits running in the cold downtown wind.
perfume scents of los angeles passing by.
i met a girl in love with romantic phrases.
soft moans during kissing.
waves of self-murder on a kerouac level.
don't act strange don't be a stranger.
21st c. girls who learn love from movies, not from experience- never allowing it.
blue ribboned desires.
father's widow's peak.
houses not for sale.
falling into footnotes in forgotten middle chapters of life.
blackbody radiation.
my imagination breaking your heart forever.
diffusion from pollution.
there is no going back once you know.
births in the third day of spring.
south american snow.
all the good singers and song writers are dead.
pale skin girls from the north.
so pleased with a daydream that now living's no good.
i promise to never ever ever ever grow so old again.
palm trees in the snow.
consumer holidays.
inhaing cigars until i see stars.
domesticated dreams.
happenstance and unplanned circumstance.
caterpillars that fly before they become butterflies.
crosby stills and nash.
st. elias, canada.
the mistrusting way people pick out fruit at supermarkets.
shining flashlights into the rainy night sky.
skinny model manicans.
alabama beaches.
shadows with no shade.
people who bowl twice a year trying to figure out what's wrong with their form.
christmas light carcasses in the daytime.
stars in the city from an airplane.
all the things about yourself you aren't aware of.
convertibles in alaska.
dying in a grassy meadow staring at nothing but a blue sky.
casper david friedrich.
sail with the whales.
october.
climbing to the top of every mountain i see.
reading disgusting poetry through my disgusting hair.
how much cloud can i feel.
dance like ian curits.
put on lipstick in the evening.
there's a blue ocean of sky above the rain.
valet traffic.
women in suits running in the cold downtown wind.
perfume scents of los angeles passing by.
i met a girl in love with romantic phrases.
soft moans during kissing.
waves of self-murder on a kerouac level.
don't act strange don't be a stranger.
21st c. girls who learn love from movies, not from experience- never allowing it.
blue ribboned desires.
father's widow's peak.
houses not for sale.
falling into footnotes in forgotten middle chapters of life.
blackbody radiation.
my imagination breaking your heart forever.
diffusion from pollution.
there is no going back once you know.
births in the third day of spring.
south american snow.
all the good singers and song writers are dead.
pale skin girls from the north.
so pleased with a daydream that now living's no good.
i promise to never ever ever ever grow so old again.
Friday, June 20, 2008
you are dance
i'm far from a repeater of common gripes but seriously, SERIOUSLY. it's not that you're accidentally making the mistake of you're/your, but i'm starting to believe you really don't know that there's a difference. or even worse, that "you're" even exists.
no, but it is a big deal. it's not about trivial things like grammar or
intelligence- there's a bigger issue at hand, and it's got me feeling sick.
what?
yeah, no i do like your shoes. you smell nice too. you're right.
nevermind. let's just not write. they're just words anyway. there are
better ways to communicate. maybe we'll just dance, your right.
no, but it is a big deal. it's not about trivial things like grammar or
intelligence- there's a bigger issue at hand, and it's got me feeling sick.
what?
yeah, no i do like your shoes. you smell nice too. you're right.
nevermind. let's just not write. they're just words anyway. there are
better ways to communicate. maybe we'll just dance, your right.
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